Esoteric Enda electrifies audience – what a shocker

By Shaun Connolly, Political Correspondent

Monday, March 22, 2010

THE era of Electric Enda is upon us.

He hit the stage to the sound of Freddie Mercury, left it to the roar of Bruce Springsteen and offered some esoteric musings worthy of Buddha in between.

"Thunder can roll over hills from a long distance," he announced in the manner of an enigmatic, centre-right Yoda.

The new, improved, alpha male Enda then declared with all due modesty that he had succeeded in "electrifying" the nation (sorry? I must have had a power cut when that happened).

It wasn’t quite the sonic milestone of the Jimi Hendrix Experience’s Electric Ladyland, think more Electric Landlady by the Fine Gael Experience.

Everyone was appalled by the utter vulgarity of Fianna Fáil, and determined that the PLU’s – People Like Us – would set things straight and lead the country out of recession through the sheer power of their Brown Thomas charge cards.

Oh, how the PLU’s loved Enda. They queued for more than two hours to be electrified by him. They had no one to blame but themselves. Given that the bulk of the party has, shall we say, one foot in God’s waiting room, their ability to stand for so long was testimony to their devotion to the Mayo messiah.

And Enda did not disappoint them, declaring that he was "ready for Government", but then he’s been saying that since 2002 so all he needs is a fluffy pink rabbit suit to be confirmed as the ever ready bunny of Irish politics.

But, much like FG’s Anglo Irish Bank policy, the big speech was getting a bit numerically confusing what with Enda’s "five realities" and "three principles" – not to mention his "one vision" provided by pomp rockers Queen as he stomped on stage.

But no one had a bad word to say about Enda. Least of all prince in waiting Simon Coveney who expressed amazement at why people kept bringing up the leadership issue. Erm, perhaps Simon, because you warned Enda he’d face "the consequences" unless he raised his game?

But Enda and Richard Bruton were inseparable best of buddies all weekend. Enda knows Richard could take the crown whenever he wants it. Richard knows it would be very messy if he did, and its too late now for this term, anyway. So instead they are sealed together – like an economically literate Jedward.

Enda promised the smack of firm Government and fact-slapped his audience with a litany of FF failings before outlining what a FG administration would do, but unfortunately he paused just that little bit too long after announcing that under him: "This country is finished..." before adding "with golden circles".

Enda’s unstoppable – what a shocker.

This appeared in the printed version of the Irish Examiner Monday, March 22, 2010